Nineteen years ago today, my maternal grandmother passed away. I’m reminded every year because her favorite wildflowers bloom along the creek beds here on the farm almost exactly one week prior.
Remembering Louise
April 7th, 2010So, The Preds Played Tonight…
March 25th, 2010…and I didn’t even watch on TV. Sometimes I do that when I’m upset about not being there in person. I had tickets to tonight’s game, but ended up not going–bit of a story there, in hindsight, I probably should have gone. Instead I stayed home waiting for my brother to arrive and packed my travel bag. I also spent almost two hours on the phone with an old friend whose voice I haven’t heard in almost five years, so that was pretty cool.
By my calculations, I have tickets for the remaining four regular-season Predators home games, but I’ll be lucky to make it to even one. Only time will tell.
Do I have hockey burnout? Maybe a little. I’m always a little conflicted when hockey is still going on when soccer, fishing and boating starts up in the spring. There’s more to it than just seasonal issues this year, of course. I’m actually looking forward to the summer break and the hockey off-season. I kind of just need to step away from the “superfan” craziness of the last year. Sorry if that offends or gets me labeled a bad fan. I want the best for the team, I really do. I’m just looking forward to shutting it all down for a little personal rest. I’ll get over it by next season and be ready to go, don’t worry.
It’s Officially Spring
March 25th, 2010Last night, we took the carryall and the loader off the Kubota tractor and put the finishing mower deck on. Despite my best efforts, I still got covered in grease. It’s officially spring on the farm when we convert from “deer hauler” to “lawn mower” mode. I even took my first cuts with the mower before it got dark. I’m guessing I’ll be doing my fair share of the mowing this year. Last year Dad got stuck with a lot of it simply because I wasn’t around. Sorry, Dad.
Also: I tried a new recipe for Irish Whiskey BBQ Glaze on some ribs. The recipe calls for Jameson and Baileys. It was delicious, but I was painfully reminded by one batch how sugar-containing sauces can burn quickly over direct heat. It’s great to get to cook and grill again. Life’s little pleasures make it all worth it.
First Soccer Match of 2010
March 24th, 2010I just got back from working my first soccer match since last October. This was my first time working a Tennessee high school match, and it went rather well. The field was a muddy mess, especially on the AR2 sideline I was on. I almost lost my shoes three separate times when I planted my heel and the suction from the mud almost pulled them off as I was running to keep up with play.
Speaking of running, being in shape makes a world of difference. The mud and the uneven footing made running while keeping an eye on play difficult. There were several points during the game where I took an awkward step and felt a pull or tweak—but it didn’t really bother me. I realized that had this been five months and 30 pounds ago, I would have likely been injured at some point during this game.
Excellent. Must. Keep. Running.
Automatic Pilot to Tennessee
March 24th, 2010This was a comment from one of my facebook friends about a book called “North Toward Home.” I loved it, because it spoke to me as someone who drove back and forth to Tennessee so often last year. The part about “automatic pilot” really got me:
“It’s the title of one of my favorite books – a perennial summer read. One of my favorite passages is the one I thought of when I posted my status last night: “In a fast car, a man can almost make it to Tennessee on automatic pilot, driving the straight, level road in a kind of euphoria, past the cotton fields and the tenant shacks, the big plantation houses and the primitive little Negro churches, over the muddy creeks and rivers, through the counties with the forgotten Indian names – Leflore, Coahoma, Tallahatchie, Tunica.”
After I left law school, I could not drive to Nashville without feeling terrible…nauseated, even. In fact, I only made the trip to Nashville twice in maybe six months afterward, in both cases to help Mike and Ashley with their moving process. After that, I avoided making the drive to Nashville for years, unless I had to go to the airport.
After last year, I have a lot of practice making that drive. Now, the trip to Nashville seems to fly right by–funny how that works. All it takes is the right motivation.
Pull Quotes?
March 19th, 2010I see there’s a pull quotes plugin available for WordPress. Just what I need to REALLY send the egomania over the top. You’ll know I’ve lost it when I start pull quoting myself.
Going From MJ’s Death to a Life Lesson
March 16th, 2010This morning, I read an early movie review that needed to establish when it was written, because the review was on an unfinished rough cut of the final film. The author chose to establish his time frame in a somewhat novel fashion by using a “where were you when you heard about” time reference. In this case, the occasion was Michael Jackson’s death on June 25, 2009. That got me thinking about last summer and just where I was and what I was doing at that time, because I remember it being somewhat of a blur. I do remember I learned of MJ’s death on twitter first (thanks, iPhone!), then listened to the car radio on the way home from work that afternoon. Then, I remembered some other things, and I had to look back at my calendar to figure it all out.
Wow. Simply put: June 2009 was a crazy month. No wonder I remember it as nothing but a blur.
My relationship with the cute hockey fan girl was just a month old, and we had gone from zero to serious in no time flat. I was spending a lot of time in Nashville already, and for the most part was loving every bit of it—even if I was still a little conflicted about being away from the farm so much right as the chore season started ramping up.
Early in the month, I flew to Houston for my brothers “graduation” from his fellowship. I ended up driving one of his cars back home for him, the next day, which was a LONG day trip to make in the Texas, Louisiana and Mississippi sun. I remember hitting Birmingham and feeling drowsy around 11pm, so some caffeine was in order. When I got to Nashville, I stopped for the night—and then couldn’t sleep until after 2am. Thanks, caffeine.
I think I did father’s day with Dad at the lake. I know I skipped ARRL Field Day Weekend in favor of hanging in Nashville with the girl. In fact, I figured out I skipped a lot of things last year, which I kind of regret now. That’s not a dig at our relationship. It’s a dig at myself for sacrificing things when I really didn’t need to. I understand why I did: New girl, honeymoon phase…totally understandable, but my advice to self for next time is: Enjoy the things you love, especially those things that only happen once a year. Know the difference between compromise and sacrifice. One is good, the other not so much, if done to excess.
Ok, sorry. I know this rehashing the past makes for boring blog reading—and frankly, it makes for boring blog writing, too. I guess the whole point of this post was to describe how my thought process went from “Where was I when MJ died?” to a little life lesson and reminder that it’s good to love, but not OK to lose yourself in the process.
Dream Control: Blessing. Curse. Both.
March 13th, 2010I’m one of those people who can take control of dreams if they start to get out of hand. I rarely have out-of-control-scary nightmares, because I never let them get that far. When things start to get really freaky, I just say to myself “This isn’t real” and I stop it. When realistic things happen in my dreams that are still uncomfortable, I can usually put an end to those, too.
For example, I might have a dream where I come back to my parked car to find it totally gutted out and stripped clean of my property. I’ll feel the pit of loss in my stomach. A voice will say: “Looks like you left the doors unlocked, with all your stuff–even your laptop–in plain sight, and you parked in a bad spot.”
Here is where I take over: “No, I would never do something like that. This is obviously a dream, and it ends now.” Then, I wake up.
Pretty nice, right? Well, sometimes that backfires on “pleasant” dreams, too.
Take last night for example. Perhaps writing last night’s blog post (not “viewable by public” just yet) right before I went to bed caused me to have a dream where I was “visited” by a ghost of girlfriend past. It was actually rather pleasant—right up until my rational mind took over to remind me it couldn’t possibly be real and woke me up suddenly.
Sigh.
My subconscious emotional defense mechanisms are still at work.
Hello Again, Louisville…Much Nicer to See You This Time.
March 12th, 2010We traveled to my brother’s in Louisville tonight for my nephew’s big fourth birthday party, which is tomorrow. Everyone else is asleep upstairs. I’m down in the basement “man cave” watching the Predators game on TV, E-Mailing friends, and waiting for the road coffee to wear off so I can get to sleep. The setup down here is very nice: Big HDTV, wireless internet, my own bathroom, and a comfortable queen bed. I can’t complain.
However, I am reminded of the last time I was here, almost two months ago. The breakup was fresh, only two days old. That Saturday morning, on the good advice and encouragement of a friend, I left Clark in good hands and pointed the old, worn-out Jetta east to Louisville. I had to put some distance between myself and Nashville.
I arrived in time to go to dinner with some friends I hadn’t seen since Mike and Ashley’s wedding, and had a rather good time—mojitos and light chatter did wonders for keeping me distracted. That night, however, I had all kinds of trouble sleeping. In fact, I was jarred awake almost every hour on the hour.
Those were not fun times, but those times are in the past.
I’m going to bed now, and I’m going to sleep just fine, because it’s time to start living life again. It’s my nephew’s birthday tomorrow, and he deserves a great one.
Voice Mail…Who Uses That?
March 11th, 2010“The voice mail light glows ominous red…glaring like the eye of Sauron, daring me to ignore it any longer.”